My Whole Heart
So tonight we had a really cool meeting with most of the small group leaders from church at our preachers house. It was cool getting to visit with people, but the best parts always come when you don't expect them. So for me tonight, it was after the last prayer was said and everyone started to leave. That's when John and I got to have a super encouraging/convicting conversation with Kyle and Hope, Kyle is the youth minister at our church and John has been interning with him this summer.
We were talking about how today is our 39th day of our 40 days of prayer and so far we have not heard anything from the Lord. No doors have opened, no blinding lights have been shone, no thundering voice from the heaven...nothing. Seeing that we have 2 nights left to pray in our dedicated prayer time, this is a little more than frustrating. I understand the whole, things happen in God's time-not ours concept, but that's not what this conversation was about. As we were talking about what kinds of signs John and I have been looking and listening for, I realized that this whole time, I've been praying with my own agenda in the back of my head. I am getting pretty settled here in Lubbock. We are deepening numerous friendships, I love the church we belong to, I love being close to my sisters and cousins, closer to my mom and dad...Lubbock is really becoming home. And as much as I thought I would never say this, I don't want to leave. So I've been praying that God would open a door, but then slip in a quick, "as long as that door is convenient for me" before it's over. It's a super sad and uncomfortable thought to think about moving away from everything I am familiar with. I don't do change super well and to think about uprooting again and going somewhere I didn't pick does not really sit well with me. At all.
So if I am to pray tonight that God would open a door, Im going to have to add in a "wherever that door may be" and really mean that. I don't know if I can do that. Friends, please pray that my faith would not be weak and I can come to the Lord with an honest and sincere heart. What he wants for me may not be what I want for me. I need courage to accept that.
We were talking about how today is our 39th day of our 40 days of prayer and so far we have not heard anything from the Lord. No doors have opened, no blinding lights have been shone, no thundering voice from the heaven...nothing. Seeing that we have 2 nights left to pray in our dedicated prayer time, this is a little more than frustrating. I understand the whole, things happen in God's time-not ours concept, but that's not what this conversation was about. As we were talking about what kinds of signs John and I have been looking and listening for, I realized that this whole time, I've been praying with my own agenda in the back of my head. I am getting pretty settled here in Lubbock. We are deepening numerous friendships, I love the church we belong to, I love being close to my sisters and cousins, closer to my mom and dad...Lubbock is really becoming home. And as much as I thought I would never say this, I don't want to leave. So I've been praying that God would open a door, but then slip in a quick, "as long as that door is convenient for me" before it's over. It's a super sad and uncomfortable thought to think about moving away from everything I am familiar with. I don't do change super well and to think about uprooting again and going somewhere I didn't pick does not really sit well with me. At all.
So if I am to pray tonight that God would open a door, Im going to have to add in a "wherever that door may be" and really mean that. I don't know if I can do that. Friends, please pray that my faith would not be weak and I can come to the Lord with an honest and sincere heart. What he wants for me may not be what I want for me. I need courage to accept that.
Comments
Your dedicated spirit amazes me each time. The desire you have to serve the Lord in any circumstance even when you are fearful is addicting.
C- you have an amazing heart and I know God will lead you where you need to go. Change is hard but the end product can be so much greater than we realize just keep stepping forward and remember He will take care of you.
As Jesus said in the garden "if there is anyway to spare this from me, please. But if not, let Your will be done."
Today is your 40th day. Spend your prayer to Him in total abandon today. Lay EVERYTHING at His feet and be still to hear His words.
I look forward to reading the next post :) Love you,
I love you and I think as long as we can keep this attitude we will be in for some great adventures together.